Your mom or your pop tells you that. Your best friend tells you that. Everybody tells you that.
Telling someone don’t settle in a relationship might just be the worst thing we could say to them. Here’s why.
After years and years of being told not to settle by well-meaning friends & families (and romantic comedies), many men and women have found themselves unable to actually settle down in a relationship. Trapped in a perpetual fear of ending up with a boring other half, many have lost sight of what’s truly important in a long-term relationship.
No, it’s not the spark. No, it’s not the butterflies in the stomach. And no, it’s not mind-blowing sex. Those things are fleeting and they will disappear eventually.
What’s important in a relationship is unconditional trust. Reliability. Mutual understanding. Strength. Yeap, the boring old stuff.
It is about knowing that your other half will walk the dog while you are nursing a cold in bed. It’s about knowing your significant other will collect the kids from school while you’re caught up at work. It’s about knowing your other half will drive for hundreds of miles to get you when your car has broken down in the middle of nowhere. It’s about him or her wanting to listen to you rant about work eventhough they have no idea what you’re going on about.
It’s about seeing your partner’s reassuring smile from across the room when you’re both socialising at an unfamiliar event. It’s about seeing your partner’s face lighting up when you’ve done something nice for him or her, regardless of how small or insignificant the act seems to be.
It’s about being mature enough to have a discussion on how to spice up the relationship when it seems a little quiet. It’s about bravely exploring new sexual territories together without shame or assumptions. It’s about acceptance and it’s about not judging. It’s about being with someone who’s willing to make a commitment in making it work – by talking it out, acting it out or simply being there.
So, instead of telling someone who’s having a bit of a slow day in their relationship, “don’t settle”, tell them to remember all the boring stuff instead. All the boring, pragmatic stuff that their other halves are good for.
Because if they’re good enough people to do those boring stuff for you, they sure are good enough people for you to love them back.
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